Valentine's Day is around the corner and I stan for Black Love as much as the next person. Dare I even say a bit more than the next person. The docu-series by the same name is literally a fav! I've always been that way, a hopeless romantic believing in happily-ever-afters. Of course, growing has shown me that "happily ever after" doesn't look like what my 8-year old mind thought it would look like. But that doesn't make it any less real.

Y'all, I was literally that kid, around 9 years old, looking in my older cousin's yearbook telling her which guys I thought were handsome, or "snygg" as they say in Swedish. She would just shake her head, and to this day her description of me is "Viola, you're hopeless". (Viola is one of my nicknames). There's an oxymoron in her description though because what she's also saying is "Viola you never give up hope". And it’s true. I don't. I love LOVE.

And so Valentine's Day is a day I enjoy even though I'm SINGLE single and twice divorced. The day, although heavily commercialized, is a reminder that, in a world full of hate, there's still love around. And yes, I know that all that we see on the 'gram ain't real, and only for show, but there are those genuine stories you come across that warm your heart.

Love Who You See.

But what I want to share with y'all today is 3 ways how you can celebrate yourself, not just on Valentine's Day, but every day. Do you look in the mirror and love who you see? Notice I said who, not what. You may have a pimple or three, your eyebrows may have grown out cause we're in a whole pandemic and you can't get to your regular beautician like you used to. But those thing's don't define WHO you are.

Is the reflection looking back at you full of hope? Full of self-love? See, that's what truly matters. Single, married, or "it's complicated"; no matter your civil status, do you love who you are? Loving who you are doesn't mean everything's perfect and there's no room for improvement. It actually means loving yourself enough to always want to improve yourself in one way or another. Physically, emotionally, mentally, or intellectually, we can always pour into ourselves more as an expression of self-love.

[Also Related: Here’s a Self-Care Plan to Help You Start Your Resilience]

1. Your "I Deserve" List.

So sometime this weekend I want you to take a minute out and reflect on 5 things that you love about yourself, and 5 things you love yourself enough to improve. Does that make sense? You'll essentially end up with a gratitude list and a "to-do" list. The key thing here is that the "to-do" list is NOT a form of judgment or criticism, it's instead to be viewed as a "reward" list of sorts. For example "I'm so amazing that I deserve to lose 10 pounds to be healthier." Or, "I'm so fortunate and blessed that I deserve therapy once a month to overcome XYZ-trauma." Get the picture?

2. Your Love Letter to Yourself.

Write yourself a love letter. Your boo-thang may have written you one, which is awesome. But I want you to write one to yourself. Be candid and open, it's for your eyes only anyway. It may seem conceded but think about it. How many times don't we liberally criticize ourselves and ruminate on every shortcoming we can think of, and compare ourselves to EVERONE. Too often is the answer. So do the opposite, even if only for one day. Go ham on singing your own praises.

3.Your Day Off.

As a single mother, if you’re one too, I know you're probably thinking, "a day off?! HA!" Trust me, I get it. However, here's what you can do. Other than making sure the babies are ok, the toddlers don't burn or electrocute themselves, and the tweens and teens don't find other creative ways to try and kill each other, literally do nothing. Order in instead of cooking, dishes, and laundry CAN wait, and that self-improvement "to-do" list I mentioned earlier, can also be started on a separate day. For ONE day sis, you're the queen of the castle, and you'll treat yourself like one. If you have helping hands in the form of a hubby, family, or bestie, even better. Ask for help!

Your day off doesn't have to be on the 14th, make it on the 13th instead if it conflicts with schedules and other commitments. The point is to treat yo self! The same way that you want somebody else to dote on you, you need to lead by example. One of my fav YouTubers/Influencers, Jackie Aina, said in one of her videos, "I'm not high maintenance if I'm the one doing the maintaining", lol. She deems herself worthy enough to splurge on the things that matter to her. And it doesn't have to be materialistic.

Self-care is NOT selfish! (One more time for peeps in the back) Self-care is NOT selfish!! Click to Tweet.

Conclusion.

That Black love is absolutely, unequivocally, amazing, is a fact. What I want you to take away is that Black self-love is just as amazing and necessary. Necessary because women tend to be too hard on themselves, always putting everybody else first, and letting too much crap slide. Next thing you know, women are having mental breakdowns, emotional breakdowns, and just pure exhaustion.

The old adage that prevention is better than cure holds true not just to physical ailments, but those that affect our mind and soul too. Fill your cup so that you can give of your excess. Don’t be out here running on E sis.

If making yourself a priority and tending to your wholistic self is something you want to start, consider getting my FREE 10 Step guide to better wholistic health. This is not about losing weight but becoming more whole in life and love. The guide also includes a daily planner and tracker to help you stay on track on your journey towards a better, healthier, and whole you.

Grace & Peace,

V.